"The spell *wasn't* supposed to turn you a bright blue, Ravi. At least I got the part about breathing water right."
by Amaria, Adept of Water Magics
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After rescuing unicorns, finding a bag of 27 horns from their slaughtered brethren, scared to the herd, the party thief insisted that was the ward he demanded for their lives.
They'd already offered "anything we asked." He demanded all the horns.
A fighter in the party commented: "It's up to you, but with all the bad stuff running around out thee, it strikes me that carrying a bag of two dozen unicorn horns is almost as bad an idea as your last brainstorm of using a wish to bind an ancient Red Dragon to your service. Now I could be wrong, but if you're really going to do that, then you head North and the rest of us are going to head South, and best of luck to you."
by Don Hawthorne
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After breaking a protective circle and running like our PC lives depended on it...
A man slowly walks towards our group. The castle trembles with his every steps even though he appears to be only 6 feet tall.
His eyes burn with an unearthly glow.
GM: This is Dispater the 3 ranking demon in hell...
Yona Rolls out her circle of protection mat and we all cram in it.
He smiles at us and says: “Why don't you come out of there and we can make a deal?”
Yona: No thank you, why don't you go eat the guy upstairs?
Dispater: “I'll just eat him anyway.”
As they are talking Safawna, our Grand Healer and Priestess, starts to pray to the Goddess Laroani for help, in hope to perform an exorcism.
GM: You must roll a 05 or lower to dispel this demon.
“Our paths were destined to cross at some point or another.” Dispater says in a smooth voice.
Safawna: OK, I'll roll... She rolls a 06.
Come on, you gotta give me that!
GM shakes his head.
I'll roll again!
She roles an 08.
Dammit!
Demon Dispater: “I feel the presence of your Goddess human female, but even she can't save you.”
Safawna: Yeah! You'll feel her presence: IN YOUR ANUS!!!
She rolls a 02.
The group goes nuts.
And the demon roars in rage and dissipates into thin air.
Safawna: Well, he will be sitting on a bag of frozen peas in hell.
Uma: His relief will be short lived.
We all laugh...
by Patricia Petterson
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Belinda - so I go up to the front step of Rodrick's cottage and knock on his door.
GM - before your knuckles hit the door...
(dice roll)... A voice calls out "Go away, Woman!
Don't you know I'm busy. I'm not interested in your mission, and I'm SURELY not interested in dying... again!"
Belinda - (cursing under her breath) "I hate people specific wards. He is such a coward." - I open the door and walk in....
by Jeff Dannis
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City guard at night enquiring after his partner Bob: "Bob? Where are you Bob?"
Rouse, orc assassin, currently under the effects of the spells shadow form and shadow wings steps out into the torchlight and replies: "BOB'S DEAD" Queue roll on fright table....
by Paul Huntington
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Exchange between the dwarf Thurngol, hanging over a precipice above an abyss with one hand, the other gripping his solid Mithril large shield, while the elf Fandril tries to pull him to safety.
Fandril: "You're too heavy! Drop the shield!"
Thurngol: "gggaaAAAHHH, NO! DROP ME!"
Demon: "Aren't you the one known as Felgir, Demon Slayer?"
Felgir: "Oh crap!"
by Don Hawthorne
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Demon: "Aren't you the one known as Felgir, Demon Slayer?"
Felgir: "Oh crap!"
by Dingo Dog
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Party Leader: "You two look after your prisoners."
Players (in unison): "I slit his throat."
by Dingo Dog
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Player: "Why sneak up and pick his pocket? I'll just kill him and loot his corpse. He won't notice me then!"
GM: ...
by Gregg Evans
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Goblin: That's right, run you blood sucking pig!
by Eric G. Carlson
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Orc: We made a pretty good deal, didn't we?
Halfling: What do you mean WE?!
Orc: If you don't give me my cut, I'm gonna shake the difference out of you!!
by Gregg Evans
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"All souls aboard the train to Hell, I am your conductor!"
~ by the late and only passenger aboard the train to Hell - Soldar ~
by Gregg Evans
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A deep voice from a dark room in a demon-infested dungeon: "Why don't you come IN?"
PC, mocking: "Why don't you come OUT?"
~The Demon, freed by the PC's invitation, leaps out and seizes the PC.~
by Loki Freyr
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Thief: "Screw this I'm leaving!"
Mage: "You are not leaving. You are FIRED!"
~A fireball comes streaming straight for the thief~
by Gregg Evans
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Party Leader: "There is no friggin' way I'm letting you bring a gorilla into this party."
Ranger: "Fine! YOU tell'im!!!"
by Gregg Evans
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Velvar the Torturer explains to the local clergy his philosophy on the Javelin: "The Javelin is the universal weapon. It locks doors, opens poor boxes and kills priests. Now, say your Prayers priest!"
by Gregg Evans
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Player 1: "Are you evil?"
Soldar: "Well, let me put it to you this way, I wouldn't kill my mother, but I'd steal her purse!"
by Gregg Evans
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"I take off all off my clothes and weapons, then jump on the back of the Giant Spider"
by the late - Cyght Dunhill
